Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
