how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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