I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
