I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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