is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize