did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
