He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
