watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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