Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
