Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
