Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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