Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
