I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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