i think my tv is drunk
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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