Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
