sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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