I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
