i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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