Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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