flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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