i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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