erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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