I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
