I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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