do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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