I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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