Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
