i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
