I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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