Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
