He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
