glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The power of my boobs compel you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize