Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize