i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
