i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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