Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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