How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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