someone threw a dead crab at me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
