He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
only you would photoshop your dick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
