bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
