so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
