just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
