chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
