My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
