If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
