Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
