porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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