exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
