He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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