I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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