At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
