Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
