I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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