So drunk its hurt
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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