i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pants are for mortals
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
