so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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