Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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