Already got asked if we're dating
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
