I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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