i already hear my dad disowning me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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