just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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