Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
