I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize