I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
